Dying everyday to Live

01:00 Hrs : The wrong syntax. Open Google. Search for the right one.

01:10 Hrs : Got one. Good. Apply it. Hmm.. Script error is gone. Now change the query. Compile the file..

Error : "No Disc space"

"Oh Shit!!! Not now!!!"

Is any1 around to help.. Sheez

Mail to the Database administrators immediately. Call them up.. No1 is there either.. Oh!!! The dead line!!! Wat do I do..??

Can't help it anymore. Still another hour+ for the cab. Wat do I do??? Jus go home and come back early in the morning.. Wat else can 1 do??

What the heck am I doing at this time of the day in my cubicle, when all the world is sleeping happily. Wat'd SHE be doin now?? Probably dreamin of prince handsome!! Hmm.. Why am I even here.. Ouch!! My back hurts.. Whats wrong?? Back problem??? Crap!! I'm jus a yr outa college..

My mind soars to the past..

My first day @ Polaris.. New hopes. Great ambitions. My own money anymore. I was kinda nervous. I hated mingling with very new people. But it was very different. I found myself speakin freely to new people, making friends very quickly. It surprised me. We danced, sang, had fun. The very first day, I had learned bout the Cab services they offer for associates going back late. Since that day, till today those are the ones that takes me back home most of the times.

There was the training for a month. How do I describe it?? Hmm.. Fun.. It was supposed to be technical training, but I learnt literally nothing technically. Bein an ECE Engineer, it was all Greek-and-Latin that I heard during the training. But there was somethin I had learnt. "Team-play". How-2-be and How-not-2-be. The kinds of people as I saw.. 1. People who keep talking and only keep talkin. 2. People who talk and try to do. 3. People who never speak, but do. 4. People who don give a damn to anythin and are busy in their own world.

I had always belonged to the fourth category all my life. Never care to do anythin when it comes to a team, coz I know there always is some1 who really cares and finishes it. My policy was 'Jus don disturb that group'. But when I moved to a project, things changed.

I came to know that I too can become responsible. That I too can work. Believe me. Till this day no1 who knows me good will believe that I actually work. Forget bout Hard work.

I worked and I worked. Was happy when I was awarded with the "Spot-Excellence-Award".. Stayed back late most of the days. Each time I frowned, there were people who encouraged me and to tell me that each extra minute I put in I learn something new.. Yes.. True.. Maybe.. But at wat cost???

I lost the 'life'!! I became jus a machine!! I have to wait for the Sunday to become myself. Singing, playing Computer games, my guitar, Story books had all become a thing of the past. No dinner time chats. I come to office from home everyday, but itsn't like it anymore. I wake up early and leave. And by the time I reach back home, its always too late for a chat. Once in a week, that I'm actually at home I jus sleep all day. They don disturb. Its my only day..

Now I am workin on a project, on a language I don know, not evn the syntax, on a too-ambitious deadline which has gone past already. But I learnt that when the necessity comes, it doesn't matter if u kno or u can do it, you seem to develop a skill immediately. First time in my life I learnt what mental exhaustion is.

Jus today some1 was telling me, the rupee value appreciation will have a negative effect on our company's profits which in turn will get reflected on our payslips. More tension..

I wanna be normal again. To talk to them the way I always do. Not keep gripping bout my job and stuff. Take a long walk, with only the beautiful girls around, in my mind , roam with friends, sleep early and not dream of coding or syntaxes, enjoy some real loud music instead of hearing it from earphones. Sing, play Instruments, compose some stupid music. Go, get some Ice cream. Party at home. Cooking, relaxing, beating top scores of my bro, tease the kutty neighbour of mine, invite cousins for lunch, bug my Mom ;) , go out for some long shopping with friends..


Oh!! Oh!! Its 02:27.. only three more minutes.. Jus save this part.. Will post it tomoro..

Run!! Run!!


02:45 Hrs : Hmm.. No place in the cab.. Wat a beautiful reason!! They shud be made to sit awake all night and then be demanded to come back to work in the mornin!! Then maybe they'll realize the pain.. So here am I sittin an wasting another two hrs waitin for a stupid cab, with all my works pending..

I feel like jus lettin all these go off my mind.. Jus Hang em!! I don care!! Hmm!!! Finally i'm gettin back my attitude.. Wat'll he say If I don come tomoro.. I can always call in sick.. Take the day off!! Hang out!! Relax a bit first.. Let some1 else hang in my place..

Thats it.. I'm not gonna take any pressure into my head anymore.. Let them try all they want.. Now for sometime let me ease my head and think of all nice things..

03:10 Hrs : Who the heck sends me mail at this time of the day?? And that too to my official id.. Oh!! Must be Richard.. He's the only 1 who works in the graveyard shift..

No!!! Its from DBA. . Server has been restarted.. Hmm!! Back to work I guess.. Wish I can go home at least by 06:00 so I can return by the morning bus or it'll be hard to travel three hours in a government bus..


Where was I?? Hmm.. Changing the query.......

PS :

03:16 Hrs :: Publish Post..